Wank on graduation

I often work for a DJ at high school dances, and this time of year that means high school graduation dances.

Invariably, the kids are jonesin' to get the hell outta dodge; posing for pictures in their tuxes and assorted finery; waiting impatiently for their table to be called to the buffet; nervously tugging at their ties, shoulder straps and/or kilts; and struggling to appear moderately interested during the teacher-led plea for sanity, grad committee-led squeal of appreciation for those same teachers and parents they hated the week before, and the principal's announcement that "this class is one of the finest groups of young people I've had the privilege to work with."

What many organizers amazingly fail to see -- or perhaps ignore in desperate denial -- is that these kids just want a pat on the back and a kick on the heinie. Sometimes a teacher with the appropriate memories of their high school graduation actually manages to get the gig, and they encourage everyone to make it short, sweet and for goodness' sake realistic. Last week's math teacher/MC got it right, and I wish more of them would take their audience into account: "good job, now get out and have fun."

As part of the DJ company, I can say it would make our job easier; we could just get down to the business of getting these kids to dance before their limos whisk them off to their "real" parties. We wouldn't have to wake them up after the aforementioned snoozefest.

"This is the best time of your life," they say, as they do their best to bore grads to tears. Hell, at one dance three weeks ago, there were more parents there than grads. Parents weren't even told WHERE my grad WAS, we were so concerned they'd come down and ruin it for us.

I'm all for having a good relationship with parents and teachers, but kids are not invited to 'adult parties' and staff meetings for a reason: they say, "Imagine, like, you know, trying to like, have a 'serious discourse,' or something, with, like, the Grade Nine haircurling team, like, getting their, you know, say?"

Let's have a little respect and return the favour, yeah?

Adults -- and yes, I am one of you -- there's a reason our kids have a blank expression on their faces most of the time. We're trying to impose on them our values and beliefs, our expectation and disappointment, our work ethic and priorities. Quite frankly, to them we are what our parents and teachers were to us: boring, out of touch, even lame. If we let these guys do a little more of what they want, when they want, how they want -- without letting them flaunt the law, of course -- we may just see more flicker and less dull glare in their eyes. Do all that while making them work for what they get and earn the time spent with computers or Playstations, and I'll bet you'll even see a few fires back there.